What Four Years In High School Actually Taught Me

High school still has the ability to send shivers down my spine. While I definitely had my share of fun (I was, unsurprisingly, a theatre geek) it’s a harrowing time for almost anyone, and objectively a very demanding request of a human being: in your most formative years, while you are trying to form your own identity and understand your place in the world, be surrounded by a group of peers struggling to do the same, with everyone immediately on the defensive, projecting their fears and insecurities on everyone else. Ultimately, when I left, the lessons that impacted me the least were the ones from school subjects. It was the lessons I learned from my friends, my teachers when they weren’t teaching, from observing, and from reading between the lines. I first wrote this list shortly after graduation. And now that I’ve had ten years to reflect on it, I’ve added a little to it (mostly to the last three, #20 is completely new, from the day of my 10-year reunion, which I did not attend) and decided to share. Read between the lines, find what the lesson means to you. And enjoy.

1.) Even after four years, some habits,
some situations,
some people,
and some relationships either cannot,
will not,
or should not be changed.
Once you learn to accept what things are unchangeable, life becomes much, much easier because you can go and take care of what can actually be affected by you. And there’s a lot of work to be done.
You simply can’t fight every battle.
You have to decide which points lost on an essay are worth fighting for to get back.
And this rule applies to any arguments with friends or any friends themselves you might lose along the way. A loss doesn’t mean losing forever.

2.) No matter what the voices in your head will have you believe, there is very little you can blame on other people. If you fail a test, miss a deadline, are late for practice, flunk a class, get caught, get in trouble…
It is nobody’s fault but your own.

3.) Everybody who’s taller than you always will always sit in front of you.

4.) Some of the most significant people in your life will come from the most unexpected places, and even your worst enemy can become your best friend. High school is about new experiences and expanding horizons. Give everyone a chance.

5.) Inspiration is all around you:
Chewing Gum Tree at the end of Freshmen Alley,
everyone stopping to watch two raccoons humping on a roof,
a hacky sack circle in the Quad,
the ant colony-like movements of everyone herding from one class to the next during passing period ,
the swirling chaos of last minute homework completion lunch sessions,
the smell of the grass on Loser Hill,
the rust and wear of the paint on the Rail,
the crunch of the Wood Chips,
the morning dew on the Field,
the low fog over Goshen in the morning,
the view over the Bay at sunset.

6.) A good parking spot is worth waiting for. You’ll thank yourself at the end of the day.

7.) Something hilarious the night before will be not so hilarious in the morning. Everything’s always worth a second look. Always consider revising.

8.) You will always have to do shit you don’t want to do. We had to go to mass in the gym once a month. You can get through unnecessary stuff.

9.) English is completely arbitrary.

10.) Style over substance is a false dichotomy. B.S. if you have to, but be good at it. Style is an excellent substitute. Style could very well be your special skill.

11.) Catholic school breeds the most graphic,
sexual,
vulgar,
crude,
and juvenile humor that public schools could only dream of.
The dirtiest jokes you learned in public school? A Catholic school kid made them up.

12.) Any sorrows can be drowned out with a few hours of good times and hearty laughs with some overly greasy appetizers late at night and into the early mornings at Denny’s because we’re still a couple years away from being actual rowdy drunks and young enough that our stomachs can stomach Chili Cheese Fries with bacon at 2:00 in the morning.

13.) Don’t be pretentious. Take Spanish.

14.) Pushed to their limits, people will become malicious,
gossiping,
shit-stirring,
backstabbing,
manipulative,
cold-hearted demons.
And this is when they are most entertaining.

15.) TV will always be an excellent substitute for studying.

16.) If you’re going to go to Prom, go all out. It’s a dazzling waste of money, so make sure your tux is kickass, the corsage is colorful, the restaurant is delicious, get the fancy picture for the memory books, and dance your ass off. This may sound like YOLO, but people need to realize that philosophy existed before it became a dumb anagram yelled out by entitled 20-somethings. Every experience is one-of-a-kind, but that has as much to do with what you put into it, as the experience itself does.

17.) Everything seems so big and important because we have no logic or perspective. And there’s just no way to explain that to people who are going through it. I can’t say don’t worry about it, because you will. I can’t say none of it matters, because it does. I can’t say think ahead, because like I said we have no perspective. So what can I tell you? Be confident in your decisions. Whatever you decide to stand up for, speak up about, which college to go to, whether you’re going to drink for the first time or not, if you’re going to ask that girl out, then stand behind those decisions. You can be scared of consequences, but you won’t not be expecting them. You can regret the choice you made, but the far worse regret will always be for failing to make a decision at all.

18.) That being said, don’t get bogged down overthinking things. Don’t get overdramatic about it all. Because as soon as one life-altering, mind-boggling, Earth-shattering decision is dealt with, another one will come along. Do not get overwhelmed.

19.) At the end of the day, I don’t remember much about Prom, or school spirit days, or my classes, or football games, or anything people generally label as “important” for high school experiences.
I remember my best friend and I recording our conversations hoping for a good idea to strike us,
I remember learning and playing Mahjong and Poker in the Drama room with the funniest group of kids ever,
I remember the amazingly delicious chocolate chip cookies from the snack bar,
I remember the song that played on my iPod every morning as I walked up the hill from my car,
and I remember laughing a lot.

And finally.

20.) You will always be that scared little kid you were on the first day of your freshman year.
You don’t get to just leave a part of your identity behind.
BUT
that scared little kid still managed to conquer the four nightmarish years of high school,
including braces,
speeches,
his first love, feeling alone, making friends,
getting made fun of, failing, succeeding,
going to sleep late, waking up early, fights with parents,
partying, drinking alcohol for the first time, smoking cigarettes for the first time, smoking pot for the first time, starring in his first play,
standing up to bullies, standing up for what he believes in, getting his first job, getting his license, wearing suspenders and a ponytail for a semester because he thought it looked cool,
wearing a uniform everyday, going barefoot,
his first detention, his first car accident, growth spurts, bad hairstyles,
acne, injuries, pneumonia, applying for college, awkward late-night AIM conversations,
a long-distance relationship, losing his wallet, losing his cell phone,
anxiety attacks, frustration, feelings of worthlessness, his loss of virginity, bloody noses,
writing his first play, learning to edit, struggling through French,
pissing off every teacher, asking a girl to Prom, getting cheated on, cheating on someone,
missing curfew, getting grounded, pulling all-nighters, learning to sing,
death,
becoming comfortable being the center of attention, and making a name for himself.
It was a mess, the highest of highs and lowest of lows, I regret nothing and would change nothing. And that scared little kid never went away; he just learned to be what he needed to be in spite of himself, because after all, we are the only things in our way, and most important of all, that scared little kid still has a lot to learn.